Shut the front door

I’m typically not the one to share about my deep personal life but maybe someone will read this and will show that they aren’t the only one. I always believed I was the only one. I love my life. I love my husband. I love my family. I love my friends. But do they really love me?

I overthink everything. And I always think of the worst. This time has been an absolute nightmare. 22 days ago I got the news I never thought I would receive. I have been told that my hands on classes would move to being online. I am the type of person who does better with a busy schedule. If I don’t have a schedule I will stay at home in bed all day. I enjoy waking up and going to campus. Now I don’t have that opportunity. What will I do? I cannot be by myself it is almost like I need a sitter. I need to be around someone just to feel okay.

I am not okay. There I finally admitted it. I am worried sick about this virus worried I will get it or worse give it to someone else. I am worried because I don’t know when I will see my family. I don’t know what the outcome is. I am scared because our entire country is slowly shutting down.

I have cried myself to sleep too many times. I have hidden from my husband trying to hide from the world. I have shut down and can’t form a sentence. I am trying. Who would have thought that the hardest thing would be to get up and get dressed in the morning. Or even get up and pee? Hopefully this gets better.

Shut the door and stay inside. We can handle this. It just takes time. We will get through this. If you’re an essential worker like me I appreciate your commitment.

Published by averysophia

Photographer, crazy cat lady, from Ttown.

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