I woke up in pain at 4am. I could go back to bed. I just say there praying I would feel better. Periods are the worst. PCOS is horrible…. My husband and I finally got out of bed got ready for work and kissed each other good bye…
Driving to work I was just praying for a better day. This week has been rough on me. I listened to KLove and just was planning out my day. I got to work early turned off my car and enjoyed the silence.
I clocked in and less than ten minutes later I’m in mid conversation and my phone rings. It’s the vet. I run get up and go to a room. The vet tells me news I was not prepared for. He said cancer and not curable. I couldn’t hear the rest. My mind was spinning…wondering what I needed to do. Do I tell my husband? Do I go pick up Ace? I got off the phone and cried and prayed. I called my husband took and deep breathe and told him the news. Then I canceled an appointment I had to get my car serviced and wiped off tears and went back to work…. I drank water and pretended like I didn’t just get that news. I put a mask on because no one can tell you have been crying with a mask on right? I called one patient to remind them of their appointment before my coworker came to me and told me to go take care of Ace. I couldn’t hide the hurt and pain in my eyes. I ran out and called Robert. I was flying to the vet to get my hands on my dog. I decided I would bring him home and have one last day together.
I show up at the vet and tell them I want to visit and take Ace home. The sweet lady comes in and explains to me that they really don’t think it’s a good idea for me to bring Ace home. It took three people to get him up this morning. I ask for them to let me put eyes on him and I will decided. I’m stubborn so if I want to bring my 115 pound dog home it will happen….
Well he came in on a stretcher and I lost it. I talked to him and he moved his head a little bit. He looked at me and I knew it was time. He gave out a loud cry. I fell to the ground and just cuddled next to him. I called Robert and told him I needed him. I wanted Robert to be the one to decide to put him down today. I’m crying and pray with Ace. Telling him how much I love him and so on.
John Robert arrives and breaks down. That is the hardest thing seeing your strong husband break down and cry hysterically. I get up and tell the ladies up front what we want to do. They agreed and went to tell the doctor. I asked if it was okay to run and get Ace a good last meal and off I went. I thought McDonald’s would be the best place plus I wanted to run into Hobby Lobby to get something to pain Ace’s paw print with. I ran in and out. Pulled into McDonald’s and asked for a hamburger. Well it was 9:35 and they don’t sell hamburgers till 10:30. So I went next door to Wendy’s. They had a picture of a burger on their menu yet they also do not sell burgers till 10:30. I cried out and said “you really don’t have anything… My dog is dying and I just wanted to get him one last burger”. I drove off and let and went to Sonic. Praise God they had a burger. When he handed it to me I cried and cried.
I ran inside and fed Ace his burger and painted his paw for our paw prints. We had a last laugh and kisses and cries and hugs. Then it was time… The vet came and his heart stopped forever.
Please excuse the grammar. I am crying and upset and I am just typing something quick on my phone.
I am one of those people who hate big group functions. I typically am in the corner at parties or maybe speak two words when I first meet someone. When I first heard about the virus was on Jan 2. My Pastor informed me the virus was in China. First I immediately thought that China was doomed. How could so many people stop their lives to protect not only them but their family? A few months later and it hits the US. Then hits my state. Then my town.
I typically freak out about everything but this time I could not do that. I need to be strong. I am trying not to think about it and just continue washing my hands and helping where I am needed. BUT how can I not think about it?
Hospitals are full. I have a phobia of hospitals well being left alone in the hospital. Patients can only have ONE visitor if any. So if a a baby is born the mother and father are there and that’s it. If a woman has a C section the father cannot be present. How are we expected to live like this? I feel horrible for all of these patients.
What really got me was when I was going grocery shopping and I picked up a few things for my husband’s grandparents. I wiped everything down before giving it to them. I saw Pop. I was not allowed to hug his neck or even shake his hand. I was able to wave. WAVE. I would do anything to hug my family.
I’m typically not the one to share about my deep personal life but maybe someone will read this and will show that they aren’t the only one. I always believed I was the only one. I love my life. I love my husband. I love my family. I love my friends. But do they really love me?
I overthink everything. And I always think of the worst. This time has been an absolute nightmare. 22 days ago I got the news I never thought I would receive. I have been told that my hands on classes would move to being online. I am the type of person who does better with a busy schedule. If I don’t have a schedule I will stay at home in bed all day. I enjoy waking up and going to campus. Now I don’t have that opportunity. What will I do? I cannot be by myself it is almost like I need a sitter. I need to be around someone just to feel okay.
I am not okay. There I finally admitted it. I am worried sick about this virus worried I will get it or worse give it to someone else. I am worried because I don’t know when I will see my family. I don’t know what the outcome is. I am scared because our entire country is slowly shutting down.
I have cried myself to sleep too many times. I have hidden from my husband trying to hide from the world. I have shut down and can’t form a sentence. I am trying. Who would have thought that the hardest thing would be to get up and get dressed in the morning. Or even get up and pee? Hopefully this gets better.
Shut the door and stay inside. We can handle this. It just takes time. We will get through this. If you’re an essential worker like me I appreciate your commitment.
Getting ready pictures are probably the most important pictures to capture. They are getting ready for the last time by themselves. From this day forward they will have a partner for life.
A small, intimate wedding in the Summer of 2019. The heat and humidity did not stop this couple from saying “I Do” outside a little white chapel. Emotional was probably the first word to describe it. The bride’s father had recently died. The emotions flew in when the brother saw his dolled up sister for the first time. A close family to say the least. My favorite part was the first look between the bride and her brother. So many emotions. So delicate. So memorable. The bride and groom had a lovely wedding and ended with a bubbling exit.
I really enjoy her work because Dara has the same ideas I have. This video shows the difference in how men and women are supposed to act on television. It is new media because she uses new technology to create her piece. When I create my video I will remember her ideas regarding men and female. Woman are supposed to play ditzy and dumb while men are strong and tough.
Dara Birnbaum not only uses television footages for her shows but she also may add photography. A photographer myself I enjoy her broad artistic eye. This article by Marian Goodman Gallery provides not only pictures of her showing but describes Birnbaum’s upbringing. https://www.mariangoodman.com/artists/32-dara-birnbaum/
I choose the video Birnbaum made because of the creativity she used. Birnbaum takes an ordinary girl and by spinning in circles she magically becomes Wonder Woman. The message Birnbaum is giving is you can be whoever you want to be. An ordinary girl can be a hero. This is new media because Birnbaum uses digital technology to take an woman and make her into Wonder Woman, who help saves the world. While working on work I can remember that I can take something ordinary and make it into something big.
Being in a relationship is hard especially if you are in a long distance relationship. It is also hard when your significant other is fighting for our country. A new media artist created a piece to show the difficulty of her boyfriend coming back from war.
Olia Lialina is known for her piece My Boyfriend Came Back From The War. Lialina’s work is composed of several black and white frames with words and a few designs of a couple. Lialina’s work is a defined as digital art because she uses new media technology to create her piece. Personally this work speaks to me because I could never imagine being in a relationship and my boyfriend be in the war. I would constantly worry about his safety. War changes people. When my boyfriend came back he might not be the same. Lialina portrayed these emotions well. When I began to work on future project I will remember to express emotion through my piece.
No one really enjoys doing dirty dishes but this picture by Carl Burton allows viewers to have a nice calm idea about overflowing dishes. This gif slowly moves as if water was flowing through the dishes. Carl Burton takes an idea of piled up dishes and creates an appealing image by allowing water to flow through the dishes like a waterfall. I will remember that when creating gifs I could take an ordinary idea and make it appealing.
Gifs are fun because one can never tell how the image begins or ends or where it starts. The gif by graphic designer Matthew DiVitto catches my eye because the red center changes between a flower looking object and crystal like ball. This gif is in constant motion and is not moving. I enjoy looking at the red orange color against the black shadows on the metal. This gif is also appeasing to the eye. When I create my gif I will remember that sometimes the smallest objects or simplest objects turn out to be beautiful gifs.
Dogs are a mans best friend. They love to be with their humans at all times. When they are put outside they pout. Even if they are out for a few minutes to potty. This picture fascinates me because the animation is realistic. This GIF was made by Rebecca Mock. The picture is still except for the dogs tail. When I put my dogs outside they act like it is the end of the world. The dogs eyes also blink, but they blink in a pitiful way. The dog is wanting us to feel bad for it. The dog wagging its tail shows the audience that he or she still wants to play. This is a great example of a digital art because digital technology is used to manipulate the dogs eyes and tail to create this GIF. This image shows emotion. Even though the dog is not physically telling the viewer what he/she wants the viewer is able to understand what the dog is needing. When I create a GIF I need to remember to express emotion in some way if I use animals or humans.